After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The Mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then Pilots review the "gripe sheets" before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
haha...that is pretty good! I miss you...HEY, do you know if they are looking for help at the bank??!!! hmmm??!! It would be fun to come back! Let me know. :)
Posted by: KATIE!! | April 04, 2006 at 09:26 PM
WE MISS YOU TOO!!!! It never hurts to come in and tell them that you are interested in coming back. You know how things change from one week to the next. One week we might not need anyone but come the next week...wham...we'll need three people. And you probably have a good shot at getting hired because you have experience. Remember you had the best teacher ever! :-)
Posted by: pandora | April 05, 2006 at 07:28 AM
this is hilarious! do you mind if i steal it and post it on my blog for friends to read?
btw, i found you through a montana bloggers webring. the name "an offering..." just yanked my attention right to your page.
-amanda
Posted by: amanda determan | April 07, 2006 at 08:57 PM